Tyson Martin

What is your problem?
Why are you trying to make me fall?
It isnt my fault after all.
Now I'm struggling to find my feet
walking this dark street

Whats left to wonder
When you make me blunder every second word
Im not attached to it if its gonna make me fall into the underground
If it was easy to back off i would...
If it was easy to say it i would..
But the tensing of my muscles when i hear you say it

That halo above your head
That scarf around your neck
No wonder why I cant forgive you

Do you know I can never leave you
and no one can never beat you
and I find that I can never find you
nevermind I will not forget you
did you know i fell for you
so hardly ever did i tell
but now your gone forever
and i cant live without you
i wake up beside your shadow
theres nothing but cold air to repalce you
Not sure if we could work it out
I wanna be alone but you feel like home
Its been so long but i cant get on over you
I want that time we lost replaced and your presence felt

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
The plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down upon me
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
When the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain

- James Taylor (1968)

Nothing at all
To help me push me through that wall
Im stuck on the outside and i cant walk on through
One step closer to recovering too.
Give me a knife and ill take my life
Only because this life that was given to me has so much strife.
It feels like my heart is falling apart
If I could just pick up the broken pieces and restart
Oh how much easier it would be to move on from everything
I'm still sitting here waiting.. but you feeling nothing
Why is it so hard to make sense out of you?
Eveyrhing I see is coloured in a dark depressing blue.

I'm lost without your guidance but i cant accept it when you offer it
I cant accept what you wanted and how long you wanted it for
I need but i cant take not when you broke my heart
Not now, can we be friends
Not now, can i afford to see you
The hurt is too great and I can only live with your every word flashing through my head
Your presence will take this love too far.

Hey Guys,

Ahh Ive been busy even more haha just been at mates helping him shift and by god am i sweating like a rapist. Went out in the Ben's prelude again last night *drool* and wet my pants even more. It was cool because we led and there was about 100 cars following us then some FUCK thinking he's cool passes us just outside of temuka and then indicates off so everyone else does also. Just bloody stupid really. Well anyway we continued out and and just as we were close to clandyboye the fucken cops decide to show and everyone flee off like on fast and the furious sept in Timaru there are some dumb fucks. :/
Then we told everyone to meet at the Timaru Airport at 12:30 there was about 15 people who showed up and what do u know..we had diesel :P *w00p* so we lay it out and wam..we decided to set the standards by a burnout..and was it good..HELL YEAH IT WAS because we fucked our tyres to a nice stringy tyre but thankgod we didnt have a blow out or we would be majorily fucked...
2:30 : Ben gets a call from some random cunt because now, there has been a crash, Mazda GTX and a Ford Escort Wagon and then the fucken dickhead from the GTX rings the cops despite the guys from the Wagon telling him to just leave it and sort it between them. THE GTX WAS IN THE WRONG .. Fucken Faggot that he is, (From S.Afrca)
We carted them home and I got home at 4:30 really tired.
Thats the Boy Racing Scene for the night

Life isnt half bad just got a big list but my mum and dad wont let me touch my money which is FUCKEN GAY .. yeah thats right GAY! I want to buy a prelude not because Ben or anything because they are so fucken quick , fast etc.
I've been also updating my site and its rocking.
School - Well theres been none of it because i've been working and its holidays ..
Suppose to have next week off but yeah i might just work need money might be going halves with mum and dad for a digital camera :D
Thats about it really, no love in my life atm .. ahh Car Skanks :D

The broken glass lying on the black and white tiles cuts the souls of my feet as I walk along , the cold air flows through my hair as I approach the sink in the kitchen.
The moon light shines through the tinted windows..it offers me some comfort as I pick up a knife and turn around..
This night means nothing anymore..except my death, my ending of this horrible life.
I come towards my bedroom door, the walls are left with holes in which half an hour ago my angry fists travelled through the wall and left these marks of destruction.
I cant explain how i feel..Its just an empty feeling that no ones going to save me.
I pack my bag.. Book , Pen , Knife and Tea Towel... the black zip screeches as I zip the bag up and I pick it up and walk out the door and begin to run..I hear the waves crashing against the rocks and the moon disapears behind the clouds and Im so lonely.

The waves get heavier and heavier as I approach the green bench. I stand on it and shout..I cant think anymore my body and mind takes over. I run out of breath and regain control over my body, I lay on the cold bench and think..I turn onto my back and look up into the sky..There is nothing on this earth anymore is all I think as I look at the black blanket in the sky..
Suddenly a violent roar of thunder covers the atmosphere and the rain buckets down as the sky lights up from lightning and Im beginning to get scared, Nothing will save me. I pick up my knife and begin to put my knife to my skin..I press down and the blood flows from my skin as a weak cut stretches along my left arm downwards against my vains..I cut more and more now..harder and harder as the blood gets faster and more compelling, I cant feel the pain, my mind is gone I cant be saved now. I begin to yell to the sky again..I become weaker and weaker and I cant breathe .. I fall to the ground as I try grab the bench for protection but instead I grab my bag and i fall to the ground and think .. What have I done?..Why?.. I dissapear a silent sleep..The moon light shines through my eyes and maybe Im leaving now...This is what I wanted .. Is It?

Once again this life is hell
Lost the girl who made things well
Love is hardest when your not loved back
And every problem begins to stack
Life slows down but time moves fast
As you wanted things to last
Glass Shatters and Walls Break
As you realise her love was fake
My dreams came true when I first met you
You put a stop to everything I was going through
It was my mistake to let you go.
Your caring for me broke my heart
You made my pain restart.
I realise now that you want a break
But thats putting our love at stake
Once again your selfish daring
Has opened up my wounds of caring
I wont cry but my mind will forever
Because your friends thought you were clever
Dumping me was your greatest victory
But its my biggest loss.
All your decisions effect me to this day
When you decided to walk away.

Aloha,

ahh just got back from my rugby tournament it was fucken good fun..me sore and stuff got a good range of ruck marks haha. Ahh yeah we came 3rd from 4 teams due to us losing to Ellesmere and North Otago. Ahh got my car back yesterday too and I took it for a drive but its too fucken easy to drive haha thats why im so used to it. It's one hell of a boring night but i got tomorrow off school w00p cause of pain and stuff and my headaches are back! Well not much to say now..Rock oN~

Hey its been awhile
Well time to update you on my life

Ahh where to start.. I have been lazing out and yeah the depression is still there sometimes but i fight it..Not worth having a fit about though. My life has begun to be alright so i thought. I have to pay $1000 towards my car because......
a) My Diff is fucked! (with a F)
b) A new battery because the other fucken cunt broke yesterday like everything else!
c) My Gearbox is fucked too.
Piece of shit car haha, na me and patrica have fights when she doesnt wanna go. I just got home from school and speaking of school im failing miserably in everything -> Geography , Science and Bussiness Basics which is basically my 3 worst subjects! Mum and Dad are gonna flip when they find out about my Not Achieves but its only practice exams i know now how much i should be studying. Im scared to drive my car anymore because it feels like everything i touch breaks and i feel like everything has happened so quickly and my car is only one thing ive broken,,
Ahh love life is shit, me and kirsty broke up after 3months which is ashame but yeha you cant help that i actually thought i would be cheesy and write a poem about it and stuff but yeah i will put that up later..
Yeah i havent touched the net in quite sometime which is good and bad but i wanna catch up with all my IRC mates and stuff but yeah spose everyone thinks ive been driving instead of geeking, pshh to them - actually ive got alot of motivation to write in this journal (thanks lucee)
Thats pretty much an update ive got so much poems and stuff ive gotta put up on here but that can wait till i get time to come back on here..
Boredom has the better of me now, Catch up.

Reality of staying here for a while
Sitting beside the phone dial
Waiting for death to call upon me
And waiting for you to help me see
What it means to die and see some form of sorrow
From the eyes i thought hated you

I close my eyes and the hate begins to grasp my muscles
I open my eyes and everything is ok again.
But when I sleep there is nothing new
Just a thought of disaster and you
Death occupys my dreams and sleep again.
Whats the cure!
TO MY FACE
TO MY DREAMS
TO MY BODY

But when you wake up and see the mirror cracking
and then Smash!

Is it a dream or your thoughts
Or is it just the reflection of deaths design
Into pieces of my life waiting to be put together
Bit by Bit
Broken and Ugly

I Need you to help me put it together
Please..just come forth